Building Another's Esteem

Learn how to improve your relationship skills by becoming a builder of esteem.

We have already discussed the value of self-esteem: how important it is in success as well as how it is one of the top motivators.  We have discussed ways to build our self-esteem and we have discussed ways that others can deliberately or unintentionally lower our self-esteem. There is another very powerful way to control esteem, and that is by giving it to others.

Giving away esteem is one of those crazy things like love and smiles in that the more you give away, the more you get in return. However, building another's esteem or self-image is not about what you get, it is about helping others to achieve their full potential and to break any mental limitations they have imposed on themselves.  Too many cynical people in this world do nothing but criticize, condemn, complain, and destroy other people's self-images.  As one of the successful people in this world, do your part to restore balance: be a builder of esteem and not a destroyer.

Here are some ways you can build esteem in others.

• If you need to criticize, criticize the person's actions and not the person.  Never saying something such as, "You are stupid." Say, "I know you can do so much better if you apply yourself."  Young people in general are more likely to believe the words they hear rather than the intended meaning.  Even with adults, our subconscious minds process what is said and do not interpret or analyze statements.  Repeated hearing of these kinds of negative statements creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• Compliment others.  Learn to look for the good in others rather than the faults.  Once you do this, it is easy to find things to compliment others on.  Be sure that the compliment is sincere.  For example, if you like their hat, tell them.  If you don't like their hat, say nothing about it.
• Treat others respectfully. Ask their views and opinions, take their views and opinions seriously, and give them meaningful and realistic feedback. This caters to a person's need for importance and does wonders for their self-esteem.
• Remind others of their importance to you often.  Tell your family members how much you love them.  Tell your friends how much you appreciate their friendship.  Tell employees how much you appreciate the work they do for you.
• Remind others of their importance in general.  From the guy who mops the floors to the President of the United States, everyone is important in some way.  Remind people of their importance and how they make a difference, even if in a small way.
• Share knowledge. By sharing motivational, inspirational, and educational material with others, you are helping them to build their own self-esteem. This is perhaps the best way to build a loved one's or close friend's self-esteem.

You can help loved ones, friends, co-workers, and even strangers build their self-esteem.  It can be as simple as sharing a sincere compliment.  Get in the habit of building up others and being a positive influence on those in your life.

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